32

Chris: [00:00:00] guys. What I'm about to say will shock you because [00:00:05] I can hardly believe the words that are about to come out of my own mouth right now. [00:00:10] So let's back up a little bit. If you don't know about the [00:00:15] Run to the Hard podcast, I need to fill you in a little bit. I. Here's what you should know [00:00:20] is three days after we recorded the episode that you're about to see tragedy struck the [00:00:25] family again and again.

If you're new to the run of the Hard podcast, [00:00:30] I want you to know that this show exists because of the words of Michael Christopher, [00:00:35] who on her deathbed Michael was a wife to Curtis. She's a mom of [00:00:40] seven, five of her own and two of Curtis's kids, which were her step [00:00:45] kids. A follower of Jesus and she went from healthy to heaven [00:00:50] in four short weeks of her diagnosis at the age of 43 years old.[00:00:55]

Michael's final words to her husband, Curtis, were simple, yet so profound. [00:01:00] Guys run to the hard run, to the hurt because it's in the greatest hard [00:01:05] that God will do his greatest work. Since that day, Curtis has been raising her [00:01:10] five kids with their father Ron Hood. While also walking through [00:01:15] grief with his own two children and, and, and losing [00:01:20] Michael.

And now he's preparing to marry Crystal, [00:01:25] which is a former listener of the run of the hard podcast that connected with Curtis because she [00:01:30] lost her husband Brandon, in the exact same hospital and is now a widow herself with two [00:01:35] girls of her own. Guys, that's nine kids. [00:01:40] Okay? All grieving, all navigating the unthinkable.

[00:01:45] As Curtis, his fiance, crystal and Ron Hood, [00:01:50] were the only form of support for these kids. So [00:01:55] here's the crazy part. Three days after we recorded this [00:02:00] episode on the Saturday night before Easter Sunday, Curtis [00:02:05] texted me. And he informed me that Ron Hood, the kid's father, [00:02:10] had suddenly and tragically passed away in front of the [00:02:15] children.

That's right. So five kids that [00:02:20] Michael left behind have now lost both their mom and their dad as of April [00:02:25] 18th, 2025. And if that wasn't already too much to carry, [00:02:30] this happened on the eve of the anniversary of Crystals. [00:02:35] Husband's passing. So Crystal is the fiance of Curtis and she lost her husband and his, [00:02:40] his anniversary of his passing was the day after.

So if [00:02:45] you can imagine, Easter Sunday was a day this past Easter where Michael's [00:02:50] five kids were grieving her. Their dad [00:02:55] and Crystal and her two daughters are grieving her late husband Brandon. [00:03:00] Curtis is trying to navigate managing his own grief and supporting everyone [00:03:05] else. So guys, that's three parents lost in roughly three years [00:03:10] time and one home filled with immense grief.[00:03:15]

And now Curtis is trying to hold it all together and he's trying to lead through this. So [00:03:20] here's what you need to know is Curtis is now in the process of filing for legal [00:03:25] custody of all five of Michael's kids. He's preparing for a wedding. He's [00:03:30] welcoming his first grandchild into the world while trying to manage the emotions, the [00:03:35] legalities involved, and be the calm in the storm.

[00:03:40] Guys, this is run to the hard in its rawest form, and the [00:03:45] wildest part as we get into this episode is three [00:03:50] days before this tragedy took place and Ron passed away, we [00:03:55] brought on a guest named Megan Baline. I brought Megan on on because she is [00:04:00] a woman who has, who as a teen lost both of her parents in a six [00:04:05] month time span.

And she was there to encourage Curtis and offer wisdom. [00:04:10] Now, here's the thing. None of us, not Curtis, not me, not Megan, knew [00:04:15] that these kids were about to walk her exact path by losing both of their parents. [00:04:20] But you know, who did know? God knew. And so wherever you are [00:04:25] watching or you're listening from.

Pause your world for a minute. [00:04:30] Lean in and please pray for Curtis for Crystal, [00:04:35] as they grieve their own spouses and they're facing insurmountable grief, [00:04:40] and for the kids that they love so much, pray for these nine kids involved [00:04:45] guys, and pray that even in this crushing weight of sorrow, that God does what only he can [00:04:50] do, bring healing and restoration on the other end.[00:04:55]

This is the Run to the Hard podcast. Let's get into the [00:05:00] episode.

[00:05:05] [00:05:10] [00:05:15] Curtis. Christopher, [00:05:20] welcome back to the podcast, my friend.

Curtis: I know it's been a little [00:05:25] while.

Chris: It's been a minute, man. And, um, here's where I'd like to start.[00:05:30]

There's a ton that's happened. Uh, we did an episode and we'll make [00:05:35] sure we, we link it here. We did an episode on, on Finding [00:05:40] Motivation after Grief, and we did an episode on, you know, two years after [00:05:45] grief. But even in these past six months, you've reached an incredibly [00:05:50] difficult stage since the passing of your wife.

Um, so [00:05:55] your wife, Michael Christopher, passes away in October of 2022. [00:06:00] And her youngest children at the time out of the five was seven, right? [00:06:05] And now he's 10. Her oldest was 17 and now she's [00:06:10] 20. So you got five kids between 10 and 20. Right. That [00:06:15] are in incredibly important developmental stages.

You've also [00:06:20] always had your own two kids who are in incredible stages of their lives now. [00:06:25] Right? So you are, dude, you're about to be a grandpa, like that's [00:06:30] unbelievable. Four weeks away, right?

Curtis: Next, next month? Yep.

Chris: Dude, four weeks away. Okay.

Curtis: [00:06:35] Anytime.

Chris: Incredible man. So you have your two oldest kids who are [00:06:40] married, trying to start families in a completely different stage that you're navigating.

And [00:06:45] you have your fiance Crystal. Two more [00:06:50] beautiful young ladies added to the equation who are in incredibly important developmental stages. And [00:06:55] Crystal lost her husband and she's your fiance now. And, and we're gonna dive way [00:07:00] more into this stuff. And these two little girls are now [00:07:05] grieving their dad.

So you got five kids, grieving mom, two kids grieving dad, two of your [00:07:10] older kids. Uh oh. Yeah. And let's just throw in a wedding in eight [00:07:15] weeks. I mean, my man, I'm overwhelmed for you. [00:07:20] This just so much, man. But [00:07:25] here's, here's where I wanna start, man. All of this has happened as a result of Michael [00:07:30] passing all like this.

All the things you are going through [00:07:35] has come from your wife passing, and [00:07:40] that's a really hard thing to accept, I'm sure. Um, but [00:07:45] what I wanna do on, on, on this podcast today, man, is really just [00:07:50] talk about, um, talk about how you're handling all of this right now. You're two and a [00:07:55] half more than a little more than two and a half years in to grief here.

Um. And I [00:08:00] know that things you're going through right now can be very, very practical for others [00:08:05] as well. And so just give me a feel, man, at this stage of grief, [00:08:10] you know, how has the loss of your wife shaped the way life feels [00:08:15] now two and a half years later? Hmm.

Curtis: Hmm. [00:08:20] So imagine, um, imagine kind of being asleep for a [00:08:25] while. You're just kind of numb. You're sleeping, your eyes are blurry. You're not [00:08:30] seeing the world for what it really is. And so you're, you're, you're not seeing [00:08:35] the messes in the house. You're not seeing the work in the yard. You're not seeing the [00:08:40] things that you've put off for two and a half years, right? And so there's the [00:08:45] practical side of grief, and that has really snuck up on me. And so imagine [00:08:50] you're coming, awake. And [00:08:55] your eyes are coming open and you're seeing all the things that you've been missing or not doing [00:09:00] or not prioritizing, and so. You would think that, you [00:09:05] know, you're two and a half, three years out that everything just starts to feel better.

Everything starts to, [00:09:10] to just feel more normal. But what I'm finding out is it feels worse. It[00:09:15]

Chris: Wow.

Curtis: has become an uphill climb because as I become more awake, [00:09:20] the workload, the heaviness, the grief of the children, the work around the house, the running [00:09:25] around, all the things that I've put off for two and a half years, they have piled up. And it's like you look [00:09:30] around and you just feel this weight.

Chris: Hmm.

Curtis: I'd say in the last six months, [00:09:35] that is the thing that has stood out the most in this thing called grief, is that holy [00:09:40] cow's, a lot of things that haven't been getting done.

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: you know, my [00:09:45] lists every day, you know, I can walk around the house, I can walk around the yard, I can go look at my vehicles.

You know, [00:09:50] the truck needs to be washed and clean and it's filthy and hasn't been cleaned in so long. And, you [00:09:55] know, there's things that, you know, the kids' rooms, you know, that need to be picked up and, and [00:10:00] just things that need to be fixed. I mean, I, I went around and just the other day was just putting in light [00:10:05] bulbs, all the light bulbs in the house that have burned out in the last two and a half years.

Doesn't that sound [00:10:10] crazy?

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: yet you don't even recognize 'em. And then you're like, holy cow. And so [00:10:15] where's the bulb for this? Where's the bulb for that? And, and, um, yeah. And [00:10:20] we decided to get married in my backyard. And so, you [00:10:25] know, there's all the

Chris: It's a lot.

Curtis: for a wedding [00:10:30] in

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: You know, at the time it seemed like a really great idea. Let's keep it [00:10:35] small and semi-formal and just do it at home. And then it's like, oh man. [00:10:40] I gotta get this yard ready for a wedding. And so that's the, I'd say [00:10:45] that's the

Chris: Mm.

Curtis: Year, just really practical part of grief is [00:10:50] I am coming alive, my brain's doing better, the [00:10:55] awareness of everything around me is, it's heavy.

It's, it's seems like a lot of work. And then you [00:11:00] add all the pieces that you just mentioned in

Chris: Yeah,

Curtis: So

Chris: yeah. Yeah.

Curtis: It's a little [00:11:05] heavy.

Chris: It's a lot heavy, my friend. It's a lot heavy. Um, [00:11:10] what type of pressure are you feeling right now? Um, [00:11:15] when it comes to like, okay, let's just focus on Michael's kids right [00:11:20] now. So there are these five kids and they lost mom in some of the most important developmental stages [00:11:25] of their lives.

Curtis: Yeah.

Chris: so they don't have her. And so [00:11:30] I know you can't fill the void. You know, you can't fill the void. But [00:11:35] these kids not having mom, like what, what type of pressure have you felt [00:11:40] to fill the void in these ways?

Curtis: it

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: To that waking up, you [00:11:45] know, as, as my brain's beginning to wake up and my senses are beginning to be more [00:11:50] sensitive and see the things that I'm really recognizing because they are in such de developmental [00:11:55] stages of their life that I'm beginning to recognize, Hey, this one's acting out [00:12:00] differently.

Hey, this one's not doing as well in school as they should have, honestly, because,

Chris: [00:12:05] Yeah.

Curtis: Like, why school's so easy for them? Why would they be struggling with this? Or why would they be struggling with that? And then [00:12:10] it's like, duh. Like I, I'm, I'm waking up, I'm beginning to [00:12:15] see, and then the question of, you know, what are we gonna do about it?

How do we, how do we help them? How do [00:12:20] we fix this? And then more importantly, how do we help them identify what's, what's [00:12:25] actually going on? Um, been, [00:12:30] that's been a lot of work because it means [00:12:35] having some one-on-ones, having some conversations. it means [00:12:40] identifying and, and trying to get some outside help or, or whatever. And helping a, helping a parent or [00:12:45] a teacher or whatever to understand why this might be going on. And, you know, I, [00:12:50] I'm not their mom and so this fact that mom was so [00:12:55] communicative, she was so, [00:13:00] what's the words I want to use? [00:13:05] So connective, like, she would have these deep connective [00:13:10] conversations with all the children and, and at the time they probably didn't think anything of it. They're like, ah, [00:13:15] that's just my mom. Or, ah, she says those things all the time, or, ah, but now [00:13:20] they don't have that. And I'm like, how do I. Fulfill [00:13:25] that role of trying to be connective and, and being open. Um, I [00:13:30] mean, of 'em is dating. He's 17. And you know, I, I [00:13:35] thought maybe those would be awkward conversations, but mom was so connective with him that honestly, he's [00:13:40] really open. I can talk to him about just about everything.

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: Really cool.

But I, [00:13:45] I know that came from his relationship with his mother. I had nothing to do with that. But now [00:13:50] I have to somehow continue that connectivity [00:13:55] and make sure that those conversations don't get weird or he doesn't shut me off, [00:14:00] or he doesn't

Chris: Right.

Curtis: In. 'cause one, when he needs help, when things aren't going right and when his world [00:14:05] gets flips up upside down, who's gonna have those, those, you know, deep, intimate [00:14:10] conversations. Um, that's one scenario. I got a kid dating right now, like, whew. Oh my [00:14:15] goodness.

Chris: Right.

Curtis: You know, Ella's 20 and, um, [00:14:20] she's. Man, she's come so far she's trying to figure out life, and [00:14:25] she's taken a job in another state over the summer, and so she's, she's essentially moving out [00:14:30] and, and so our relationship has become very much a phone [00:14:35] relationship and to keep that door open multiple times a [00:14:40] week to be available for texts. Um, she texts a lot [00:14:45] and, and, and I have to be sensitive because sometimes the texts are a little bit. Uh, [00:14:50] cryptic, like, what's going

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Curtis: I pay more attention to this one or less attention [00:14:55] to this one? Or are you

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Curtis: Or do I just need to be quiet and let you [00:15:00] vent?

Chris: Sure.

Curtis: just, just being married and having daughters of your own, you know, there's, we're, we're in two [00:15:05] different planets.

We do not think the same.

Chris: No.

Curtis: trying to understand the [00:15:10] cryptic messages and knowing a dad of a 20-year-old, um, [00:15:15] stepdaughter, you know, what does she need in that moment? What is she asking for? And [00:15:20] then to really be sensitive when she's saying, I need you. You know what I mean? Because she

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: That [00:15:25] vocabulary.

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: The kids aren't ever gonna say, I need you, but they're [00:15:30] gonna

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: It in a way that I have to pay attention to. And then the younger ones, [00:15:35] um, they, man, they were, they were mom's cuddle [00:15:40] bunnies, you know, they just. You know, we've talked on the podcast [00:15:45] before about Wesley being, you know, on mom's lap all the time, and just being the one who always got tickles [00:15:50] and cuddles and stuff.

And he's 10 years old, and we'll sit down to watch a movie and he'll still slide in and want [00:15:55] his back rubbed or tickled and stuff like that. And he's getting at that weird age where the boys are like, [00:16:00] dude, that's weird. Stop that. No, it's,[00:16:05]

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: Like bru. like, bruh, dude, that's weird.[00:16:10]

Chris: Well,

Curtis: But

Chris: let me,

Curtis: but yet the, go ahead.

Chris: [00:16:15] well lemme camp out there for a second. So [00:16:20] would you say that grief stunts growth in a way [00:16:25] because it's like. I was thinking about this before we hopped on here and I'm [00:16:30] like, man, is it about how long it's been the person, I'm sorry, is it about how long [00:16:35] it has been since the person has left this earth?

Or is it more about the stage they left [00:16:40] you in? You know what I mean? Like

Curtis: that's a, that's a great question.

Chris: seven to 10? Dude. I [00:16:45] mean, what an drastic change. So like as adults, we can't blame 'em, right? [00:16:50] Like

Curtis: Yeah,

Chris: if this was happening till I was seven and then it stopped [00:16:55] completely and or like it just shifted to you. Like, I mean, that's a [00:17:00] need, right?

And so obviously the boys don't understand 'cause they're teenagers, but Yeah man, just [00:17:05] expand on that and how, how grief just man, it just changes its [00:17:10] development.

Curtis: I, I've actually been thinking about the [00:17:15] areas now. This is individually, I've been thinking [00:17:20] very specifically about the areas in their life that I feel like they have been [00:17:25] stunted, and it's not necessarily socially, they're all very. [00:17:30] Interactive kids. They got great friendships. Um, they got good [00:17:35] schoolmates, good teachers around them. I feel like socially they haven't really slowed [00:17:40] down. I think they're okay. I mean, they've, they've caught on with vernacular of every grade,[00:17:45]

Chris: Yeah. Right.

Curtis: Like, they're just like, they're all, they're honestly all five of 'em, they're [00:17:50] all kind of popular kids. They just, they

Chris: It's good. Yeah.

Curtis: And, and that's their mom.

Their [00:17:55] mom just exudes out of them where they're confident. Um, they're [00:18:00] confident, they're social, they're interactive. You can carry on intelligent conversations with [00:18:05] them in that area, that of their life. I feel like they're soaring. I feel like, I feel like they're just fine.[00:18:10]

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: The, in the, [00:18:15] hmm. [00:18:20] In the self-awareness of [00:18:25] maturing in. [00:18:30] What should I be doing as a 12-year-old? That's normal. What should [00:18:35] I be doing as a 10-year-old? That's normal. What should I be doing as a 17-year-old? That's [00:18:40] normal. I feel like because for so long, mom [00:18:45] was pretty much raising them and, and was giving them all the guidance in life. know, [00:18:50] they're, they're good at chores, you gotta tell 'em what to do, but they're good at chores.

But yet we [00:18:55] have this lack of, Hey, I, I'm beginning to see things for myself and just

Chris: Sure.[00:19:00]

Curtis: And just doing it. So it's almost in this area, particular, I feel like there's a [00:19:05] stunt in I'm back where mom had to tell me what to do 15 times a day to [00:19:10] get the thing done. I feel like in that particular area, there's a [00:19:15] little bit of stunt, like mom's not here to tell me anymore.

Chris: Yeah. [00:19:20] Yeah. Now I feel like someone would listen to this and say, that's my kids too. And they have [00:19:25] both of us. You know what I mean? Because things have changed so much. You know, you even talk about how [00:19:30] you were raised when, when you were a kid. Um, the difference between you at the [00:19:35] ages that these boys are at and, and them, but then also, like the [00:19:40] excuse I would throw their way is, my goodness, man, you didn't have all the distractions in social [00:19:45] media and all the, all the excuses.

You know, like, it's so different.

Curtis: because,

Chris: [00:19:50] Yeah,

Curtis: tell you that all of them dive into distractions a hundred percent.

Chris: Of course, [00:19:55] man.

Curtis: Just, and, and I think, and I, I see a lot of kids, I see their interactions, but I also [00:20:00] see what they're involved in. And, and a lot of them are, you know, yeah, they're in school, [00:20:05] they're in sports, but they have a job.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Curtis: For this and this and this. And, [00:20:10] and, and I see them also with their social media. And I see them with [00:20:15] their, and it seems like some of these kids, I. I have a pretty good grasp on it. know that [00:20:20] these kids can dive into that stuff and stay there and lose track of [00:20:25] everything else.

And I've recognized that that a hundred percent a piece of the, a [00:20:30] piece of the grief process, or it's a huge distraction. And I can stay there for a long [00:20:35] time and until

Chris: Mm.

Curtis: Their father or myself get involved and be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, [00:20:40] whoa, whoa. And we

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: This away, or we start to give time limits and we start to [00:20:45] get their eyes focused on other things that they could be doing or should be doing.

Chris: Mm-hmm.[00:20:50]

Curtis: It's definitely a piece of the puzzle. I see it.

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: Some [00:20:55] ways they're soaring in some ways, you know, I feel like [00:21:00] they're to, to match your words. They're, they're stunted in a way where they're almost like, they're still [00:21:05] stuck in that version of themselves at the time. And so [00:21:10] just, and then ha to just try to identify it. And, and I, I, [00:21:15] I'm an impatient guy. You

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Curtis: My rule around the house is, I'm only gonna [00:21:20] say it once,

Chris: Yep.

Curtis: But I'm having to learn [00:21:25] patience and I'm having

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: Dive in and, and, um, just [00:21:30] help them begin to see and

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: and, you know, [00:21:35] the idea of college, the idea of after the idea of [00:21:40] marriage, the idea of, you know, we're literally getting into those formative years [00:21:45] quickly. I mean quickly. And, um, [00:21:50] yeah, I need, I need Crystal's help for [00:21:55] sure. Yeah. The,

Chris: I want to,

Curtis: want to go there. Go ahead.

Chris: Well, I wanna go to [00:22:00] Crystal, but something you're saying really makes me want to ask you, [00:22:05] 'cause I know people deal with this man. How do you lead [00:22:10] without letting guilt make the [00:22:15] decisions?

Curtis: Guilt on my side or their side.

Chris: Guilt of just like, [00:22:20] I'm so sorry. Like for instance. Let's say there's someone who, who [00:22:25] lost their dad, you know, and it's just like, oh, whatever I can do to comfort them. Like, yes, you can have [00:22:30] that candy. Yes, you can watch that movie. You can stay up late. Basically, all of the things that [00:22:35] wouldn't be the norm, but you just feel like they need to have comfort.

If you have a way to provide it, you [00:22:40] will

Curtis: That's, that's actually funny you ask 'cause their dad and I, we talk about this a [00:22:45] lot,

Chris: really,

Curtis: actually one of our topics we talk about is much have we let go. [00:22:50] How much, you know, now we're trying to like reel this thing back in uh, have some more [00:22:55] accountability and more structure and more rules. And so it's a, it really is.

It's a thing. It's a [00:23:00] thing. The the cool thing is that these are really good kids. And so we're not talking about rebellion. We're [00:23:05] not talking about going off the deep end. You know, I hear horror stories. I mean, I've heard of

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: [00:23:10] horror stories kids who literally jumped off the deep end and grief [00:23:15] destroyed them and made, you know,

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: some bad decisions and,

Chris: Hmm.

Curtis: and now they're having to fight their [00:23:20] way back through, you know, all kinds of stuff.

That's not, that's not these kids. They're [00:23:25] for the most part really good kids. And I believe they all know the Lord. I really do. And [00:23:30] so I think they have a, I think they have a barometer. I think they have a, a, a point [00:23:35] of focus. But there is some of that where, There's this [00:23:40] guilt, there's this setback. And back to the very first point that I made two and a

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: Of [00:23:45] seeing my world as it once was, letting things go, [00:23:50] getting behind in things at home, cobwebs in the corner, burned out [00:23:55] bulbs.

You know, they're part of that equation, you know what I mean?

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: know, they're still part of that [00:24:00] equation. And so as I wake up, it's not just my world, it's also their world and all the things they're going through. [00:24:05] And I wanna, I wanna

Chris: Hmm.

Curtis: Share this, 'cause I'm glad that you brought up, I'm glad you brought up my two [00:24:10] children.

You know, they're married,

Chris: yeah,

Curtis: baby on the way. Um, [00:24:15] super interesting. Uh, this last year, last six months of conversations with [00:24:20] them. Have, and, and maybe it's just because I'm starting to wake up. [00:24:25] We've had some really good conversations, some deep conversations, even about [00:24:30] past stuff. Like my divorce is seven years old and some conversations came up over the [00:24:35] divorce and kind of where they're at in the whole process and where they're at in the process of Michael passing [00:24:40] away.

And I was like, whoa. You know, I wasn't quite ready for those. I didn't even know they needed [00:24:45] to happen.

Chris: Yeah,

Curtis: there's still conversations with them that are still [00:24:50] happening, that still need to happen they lost their [00:24:55] stepmom. We never,

Chris: yeah,

Curtis: about that.

Chris: Yeah.[00:25:00]

Curtis: My mom lost a daughter-in-law.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Curtis: [00:25:05] Their stepmother. Like that's a whole nother piece that [00:25:10] my brain hasn't even really begun to wrap itself around yet. And [00:25:15] so, um, just more pieces of that puzzle two [00:25:20] and a half years

Chris: Mm.

Curtis: That I'm discovering for the first time.

Chris: Yeah. Well, [00:25:25] we frequently talk about what an incredible light Michael [00:25:30] was, even to like the community and friends, and everyone was just like, she was just, oh my goodness. [00:25:35] Everyone was just in love with her. I mean, your kids were closer than [00:25:40] those friends. You know what I mean? So you're right. That is an element where it's just like, [00:25:45] wow.

Yeah, like Michael, Michael loved them. They, they loved Michael. [00:25:50] They, they, they came to the hospital, they supported you. They were there through all of this too. And [00:25:55] so,

Curtis: Yeah.

Chris: I think it's, I think it's really appropriate to bring that up. Um, [00:26:00] dude, there's so many dynamics here. It's incredible. [00:26:05] It's absolutely incredible.

Your two kids from marriage, number one, [00:26:10] Michael's, five kids from marriage number two. And then now [00:26:15] let's kind of talk about blending the old and the new together. Um, [00:26:20] so God drops Crystal in your life, man, and she's an amazing woman of God [00:26:25] and she's a recent widow that very similar to the same timeline as you, [00:26:30] which a lot of people know.

But if this is your first time listening now, you know, um, [00:26:35] man, so if this is your first time listening, [00:26:40] crystal met Curtis through the run of the hard podcast, um, as a listener. [00:26:45] And so God, God has used this ministry to bring you both together, which is, which is [00:26:50] incredible, man. Um, but, but she has two [00:26:55] little girls, you know what I mean?

And, uh, and they're grieving their [00:27:00] dad. And, and now you are trying to somewhat fill that void too, which we [00:27:05] already talked about is semi impossible. Work through that with me. [00:27:10] What are the challenges?

Curtis: well, let's just deal with the grief challenge for just a second [00:27:15] because.

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: Crystal's six months behind me. In fact, Brandon died on April [00:27:20] 20th, guess what day that is? This weekend?

Chris: Oh, yeah, dude, you're right. Yeah, you're [00:27:25] right. Shoot. Yep.

Curtis: And so this week, as I'm leading up to Easter and all the [00:27:30] things and the pageantry and all the things that go on with Easter, got a [00:27:35] fiance who is doing her very best to keep a smile on her face, [00:27:40] is doing her very best to go to, to family Night, is doing her very best to, [00:27:45] to try to be an influence in the hood kids' lives, and yet be a [00:27:50] mom to her own lives.

And she's in year two Grief right now. And you [00:27:55] know, we've, we shared that episode year

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: It was like, and we talked about, in some ways it [00:28:00] was harder than year one. And, and we're, I'm, I'm her support person. I'm her help person, and we're [00:28:05] going through it right now.

Chris: Yeah,

Curtis: so I don't wanna, wanna [00:28:10] overshadow that or or

Chris: yeah, yeah, you're right.

Curtis: that.

That's a, that's a real. Thing and it is [00:28:15] happening as we speak. Um, same [00:28:20] thing. Her kids are, man, they're good girls. They're, and, and I know I've said this before, that the [00:28:25] two girls in Quinn, they're best buds. They, they

Chris: That's cool.

Curtis: Other. They get along so well and which [00:28:30] makes this thing so, which unbelievably better. I, [00:28:35] I remember when I, um, married Michael, some of my friends, they were trying to give me these pep talks of, Hey, [00:28:40] you better be careful because I've seen. Blended families where the kids [00:28:45] hated the stepdad and

Chris: Hmm.

Curtis: The, the first kids hated the stepmom. And, and [00:28:50] you know, all those kids, I'm sure there's gonna be somebody who, you know, tips [00:28:55] the cart.

I mean, I heard those horror stories for weeks and I had one friend pull me aside and [00:29:00] he was like, I gotta tell you this story because I'm the pastor of this family and I'm dealing with these boys, and these boys [00:29:05] can't stand their stepdad and they have four fights and wars. And the stepdad has fights with the mom because, [00:29:10] you know, he's not allowed to discipline and treat.

I mean, he was trying to scare me to death. [00:29:15] I just want you to know it is nothing like that. Like, [00:29:20] these kids are awesome and these daughters of hers, they're such good kids. [00:29:25] Crystal also is good mom. Structured, loving, [00:29:30] kind, um, disciplines fairly, I mean, she'll have a moment. I mean, she can have a [00:29:35] moment just like any mom can, but, um, and I've. [00:29:40] I love these girls, but more than just love them, [00:29:45] I've to have a really deep appreciation for who they [00:29:50] are and their mother that has raised them and how they are Um, [00:29:55] love the Lord and they have a testimony, and [00:30:00] in some ways they're, they're pretty fearless [00:30:05] about it too. Um, so I'm, I'm to [00:30:10] figure out how to, lemme talk about the girls for, for a second because boys, you [00:30:15] know, they're, they're so much easier. You can just give 'em a swift kick in the butt and send 'em on their way. They're just, they're just [00:30:20] easier.

I don't know, girls, I've got this older [00:30:25] daughter who still needs dad in some ways and I'm trying to figure out, you know, what she needs [00:30:30] as a grownup from her dad. And her and I are working through that. It's, it's been, it's been [00:30:35] good. And then you have Ella, who was the closest to her mother. [00:30:40] You know, her mom dies at 17 and she has to finish her senior year of [00:30:45] high school without her mom.

She has to go to graduation. She's making decisions for college. She's, [00:30:50] she's, she's wanting to date and find a husband, and she's doing all these huge [00:30:55] life things without her mom. Such a big deal. And I'm like trying to navigate [00:31:00] that. Then you have Quinn, who's 12 and Quinn's going on 16. I mean, she's 12, but going on 16, [00:31:05] she's grown up so fast and, and puberty and growing up and liking [00:31:10] boys and, and all these things, and she doesn't have her mom. I'm like, [00:31:15] word. And then Crystal comes into my life and she's got two daughters that are Quinn's age. And let me tell [00:31:20] you what, if you don't think God's helping orchestrate that because this, this girl needs [00:31:25] girls in her life, but she needs a mom in her life. And, and Crystal is, is [00:31:30] coming alongside.

And these, these kids love her. they have. Latched [00:31:35] onto her. They, they're accepting her. And not only just accepting her as a person, but they're [00:31:40] saying things like, oh, you're so much like my mom. You,

Chris: Oh.

Curtis: Sayings [00:31:45] as my mom. You, you love us, like our mom, you, and so they're embracing her. [00:31:50] Um, which, which is such a big deal. So then I'm [00:31:55] like, okay, know, I used to have these amazing father-daughter [00:32:00] dates with my daughter Corley. And we would, when she got older, got in high school, went into college, we'd [00:32:05] sometimes we'd jump in the truck and we'd go to Cincinnati and spend a weekend and we'd go antique mall [00:32:10] shopping. We would go to music stores.

We'd go, I mean, we'd just, and so I, I felt like, [00:32:15] Lord, help me develop that part of [00:32:20] fatherhood. And then when Ella came along, you know, Ella and I were, were thick as thieves that first year [00:32:25] after, after mom passed away. I mean, it was just the two of us just trying to grieve and figure this out. And so we became very, very [00:32:30] close and, now I'm, you know. I'm trying to do those things with Quinn, [00:32:35] but now I've got these two other girls and I'm like, okay, I know they love me. I know [00:32:40] they, they look up to me. I know I'm not their dad, but [00:32:45] how do I and how do I begin to having those intimate, [00:32:50] you know, father daughter dates where we go do things. And so, uh, one thing [00:32:55] that the three of us have started doing is we go to the pancake house near their house.

Mom doesn't like to go. [00:33:00] She's like, I don't like this place. If you guys wanna come here, you come here all you want. And so it's our thing, you [00:33:05] know, I'll be like, Hey girls, where do you wanna go today? And they're like, pancake house. And I'm like, deal. so, you know, [00:33:10] we slide off and the, the two of them and I will, we'll go do that.

And we just, we just talk about [00:33:15] life. What's going on, how's it going? You know, boyfriends yet? No. Anybody [00:33:20] in school you like, and then they're like, stop, you know, just,

Chris: Yeah.[00:33:25]

Curtis: And so [00:33:30] learning how to navigate, you know, with these different [00:33:35] ages of, of young women, um, it's not a [00:33:40] burden

Chris: Hmm.

Curtis: And it's not difficult, but it sure takes a lot of [00:33:45] mental effort and strategy. And so I don't want people to walk away thinking, [00:33:50] oh my word, this is terrible and awful and so hard. It's, it's [00:33:55] tasking, it's mentally tasking. It's just

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: [00:34:00] How do you help them become God's intended them to [00:34:05] be? And I know I can't fill all the roles. I know I

Chris: Hmm.

Curtis: But what can I [00:34:10] do? And that's what I wake up every day trying to, trying to model.

Chris: [00:34:15] Yeah. There's so much [00:34:20] there. so we talked about the girls, um, and uh, [00:34:25] you know, now let's talk about the boys. Like girls are boys, vastly different, how they [00:34:30] handle things. And so, you know, you're a huge, a huge [00:34:35] influence on these boys.

Um, but, uh, what are some of the challenges right now?

Curtis: [00:34:40] Yeah. I just mentioned that, you know, one of 'em is dating, you know, that's all that has. [00:34:45] of the things that you know are scary when you go to bed at night, as well as

Chris: [00:34:50] Yeah.

Curtis: about, you know, what, could this be the real deal? You know, has he [00:34:55] prepared enough? You know, have we as parents and you know, adults [00:35:00] prepared this kid enough for what might be taking place?

And of course, none of us can. Prepare [00:35:05] entirely for that. But you know, those

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: Things that go through your head when, when a kid starts dating and dating, [00:35:10] seriously, there's, it's a good girl. And, um, they have good talks and he's really open with [00:35:15] me about that. And so that's, that's a big piece. But, you know, we haven't even talked about Judah Judah's the middle [00:35:20] kid.

He's the

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: One.

Chris: Oh gosh. The, the middle child.

Curtis: He is the [00:35:25] middle child. He just

Chris: I know how that is.

Curtis: Last weekend, know, and it's like, oh [00:35:30] man, juah is 15. He's gonna drive this year. Like, oh, where did that come from? You know, [00:35:35] he's the forgotten one. He is the middle kid who just kind of slides around and, you

Chris: right.

Curtis: To get away with [00:35:40] not doing chores or

Chris: Yep.

Curtis: Because, you know, the attention is always on the,

Chris: Right.[00:35:45]

Curtis: One or the oldest one.

Chris: All the same man. Oh my goodness.[00:35:50]

Curtis: He is legitimately that kid. It's,

Chris: That's awesome. I.

Curtis: And so, you [00:35:55] know, spending time with Judah, getting to know him and, and you know, when, when [00:36:00] Edward, when I met that family and got involved with Michael Edward was 12. And I remember [00:36:05] like diving in dad mode, like, you gotta learn how to mow, you gotta learn how to weedy, you gotta learn how to do some [00:36:10] stuff.

And I started giving that kid jobs like, he was my guy, he was my dude, like he was the [00:36:15] older boy in my household. And so I leaned on him, I really did. And the problem is [00:36:20] from 12 to 17 I've leaned really hard on him and he's kind of my guy around here, like, [00:36:25] when I

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: To lift this, to do that, go, go take the truck and run [00:36:30] trash to the dump or whatever. The problem is, there's Judah Judah's 15 now, [00:36:35] and he hasn't had all of those responsibilities because

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: Been the guy.[00:36:40]

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: I remember a few months ago I had this shift and I was like, man, missed some [00:36:45] opportunities and I've gotta back up and I need to reenergize and [00:36:50] focus on this kid who. He ne he now needs to become the guy[00:36:55]

Chris: Mm.

Curtis: Edward's outta the house soon. Like just, he's gonna be a senior next year. He drives, [00:37:00] he's gone, he's doing his thing. um, I mean he's even, you know, he took a job in a [00:37:05] different town this summer, which is awesome. I love it. Like he's gonna go work for his [00:37:10] grandparents.

I think it's amazing. But, um, ju Judah's gotta become the [00:37:15] guy. And so I have this shift. okay. And, and I, I need to really start [00:37:20] focusing and spending some time and training him and teaching him how to run the zero turn and run a [00:37:25] weed eater. And I need, you need to give him the same jobs that Edwards had for the last three, four years. You know, we've [00:37:30] got a property that has a big ditch. It's terrible. It's an awful, awful job. [00:37:35] But I'm gonna send that kid out there with a weed eater and he's gonna have grass from head to toe, and his arms are gonna [00:37:40] shake when he is done. And it's amazing.

Chris: That's awesome. That's so good.[00:37:45]

Curtis: But you can, you see that the shift that has to take place

Chris: Sure.

Curtis: For that to [00:37:50] happen then. Recognizing that the boys, um, are [00:37:55] grieving mom differently. Each one, I've noticed that they're so different in how they [00:38:00] respond and how they're acting, uh, about grieving. And, um, [00:38:05] man, I had a, I had an interview with a pastor friend just a couple days ago. He is gonna be on the, on the [00:38:10] podcast and, um, he, man, he said something I needed so [00:38:15] bad 'cause I needed it in my own life.

But then I thought about these kids and I thought about these boys. [00:38:20] said, you know, our past. He said, our past and our stories and struggles, [00:38:25] people will remember that we're gonna be remembered for those [00:38:30] things. the orphan kid who lost his mom. You're the, you're the kid of a [00:38:35] divorced family. You went through, I hate that you went through a divorce. You're a divorced [00:38:40] person. know, you lost, you're a widower. You're a widow. [00:38:45] You can't help it. The scripture is full of people who [00:38:50] are remembered because of their stories. What's the first thing you think of when you hear about King [00:38:55] David Bathsheba?

Chris: Oh yeah,

Curtis: the first thing you think of when you think of Abraham? What's the [00:39:00] first thing you think of when you think of Jacob? His parents abandoned him. Like, I mean, his family abandoned him. Brothers [00:39:05] hated him, wanted to kill. Like we're all remembered

Chris: Joseph,

Curtis: for our [00:39:10] past

Chris: right? Yeah.

Curtis: We're all remembered [00:39:15] for our past, for our stories.

And maybe they weren't our struggles, maybe they were our [00:39:20] struggles, but my pastor friend Lonnie, he said, we can't have any [00:39:25] control of that. It is what it is, and we have to learn to accept it [00:39:30] because it doesn't mean, it tells what our [00:39:35] destiny is just because we're remembered for something that doesn't mean what we're destined [00:39:40] for.

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: And I tell you what, whew. [00:39:45] I needed that.

Chris: Yeah. [00:39:50] Yeah.

Curtis: We hate what we're remembered for. That doesn't mean we're not [00:39:55] destined for something so much more. I guess as I'm working [00:40:00] through raising a bunch of kids and they all have these stories that they're [00:40:05] gonna be, be remembered for. You know, I know my, my kids hate being remembered for, [00:40:10] um, their mother and i's divorce.

I know they hate it. I hated that as a kid [00:40:15] growing up. They hate it. they don't ever want to come back to this town. You know, they don't very often [00:40:20] because it's just hard memories, things that they don't wanna, wanna deal with on a regular basis. They [00:40:25] don't want to be remembered for that. I'm sorry, kids.

It just is what it is. [00:40:30] Ella and, and some of the hoods, they, they don't like it that they're remembered as [00:40:35] the who lost their mom.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Curtis: You know what I mean? [00:40:40] Can't help it.

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: Mean that that's not what we're destined and [00:40:45] what God's got in store for us and what he's destined us to be or to do. [00:40:50] um, it's gonna help me, I think, over the next few years [00:40:55] to change the way that I look at them, how I help them, how I pour into them, [00:41:00] that just because we might be remembered for [00:41:05] something mean that's what we're destined for. And that [00:41:10] God

Chris: Yeah,

Curtis: much bigger plans and he's gonna use that thing. It's, it's part [00:41:15] of the run to the hard mantra. He's gonna

Chris: yeah,

Curtis: thing bigger and for a [00:41:20] bigger purpose. And the sooner that we can there and understand that and dive into [00:41:25] that, instead of ignore it and, and shy away from it, [00:41:30] um. You know, you and I have been doing this for a year now.

That's crazy.

Chris: Yeah, it is.

Curtis: We [00:41:35] had our launch service. That's crazy. We've been doing this for almost a year, and over

Chris: Yeah.[00:41:40]

Curtis: Year, there's basically a three or four different types of grievers that [00:41:45] I've, that I've recognized. And, and, and the first one is the [00:41:50] griever who will dive right into the, the heart of it. you and I have met some, it shocked [00:41:55] me, you know, people who were a week after their spouse passed away, they're, they're listening to [00:42:00] podcasts. They're reading, reading books, and, and we're like, why would you do that? And they're like, because I want to know. [00:42:05] I wanna know what's coming. I wanna know how to get through this.

I don't wanna be in this place for a long time. [00:42:10] I wanna take charge of this.

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: That's huge. [00:42:15] that's so rare. We also found out that's super rare. We're, we're not always like that. And then you have [00:42:20] the griever who just ignores it. Like, I'm just gonna, and I, [00:42:25] and I know, I know a couple people who they don't even allow their kids to talk about. The

Chris: [00:42:30] Wow.

Curtis: Mom or their dad. They're not allowed to mention their name. They just want [00:42:35] it to go away. They have, they have stifled that, can you imagine what that would do to a kid growing up who couldn't [00:42:40] actually mourn and grieve a parent appropriately? But

Chris: [00:42:45] Oh yeah.

Curtis: Met people that, that they just, they tried to push it away and ignore it. [00:42:50] And then there's the griever and we've met some that man, they are angry, they're bitter. They go [00:42:55] off the deep end, right? It happens.

Chris: Yeah, it does.[00:43:00]

Curtis: It happens. then there's this fourth, they're [00:43:05] like, not only am I, am I gonna take charge of it and dive into it and do [00:43:10] something? gonna turn this, this pain into purpose.

I'm gonna do something with it.[00:43:15]

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: And I gotta be honest. I didn't want to do that. You drug [00:43:20] me into this thing that I didn't even want to do couldn't even, couldn't even [00:43:25] see the potential of what this could be. You know, I've got a [00:43:30] chance to speak recently. You know, I got a chance to speak at your alma mater this last week.

Chris: Right. [00:43:35] Yep.

Curtis: Ohio, Christian and spoke, and, and God helped me speak. But [00:43:40] not only that, to pray and work with a couple of students afterwards, it was powerful, [00:43:45] turning pain into purpose. And these kids, they come in with a lot of pain these days. And [00:43:50] so it takes me back to, to these children that the God has, God has entrusted me with.

And I'm like, [00:43:55] okay, man, I want them, I want them to take this thing by the [00:44:00] horns and, and ride it out and, and find their purpose. Find [00:44:05] what, find what God wants to do with this thing. I, although I hate [00:44:10] the story, I hate what I'm remembered for, [00:44:15] my, my job is to teach them that this isn't your destiny. It's

Chris: [00:44:20] Yeah,

Curtis: gonna end up.

Chris: Yeah, yeah.

Curtis: I don't

Chris: Amen.

Curtis: [00:44:25] Those are the

Chris: Amen.

Curtis: Been going on in my head.

Chris: Yeah. No, certainly. I [00:44:30] mean, it's the [00:44:35] hard part about where you're at, man, just to kind of bring all this full circle [00:44:40] is you are exhausted. Um, you [00:44:45] are. And anyone would be, you know, and like you can put a [00:44:50] strong face on, right? But you're tired and, and there's [00:44:55] so much happening right now.

And, um, you know, there's this scripture that, um, [00:45:00] that I was reading this morning before this episode that I feel like I feel like fits well. [00:45:05] Second Corinthians one, eight through nine. And the context here is Paul and his companions are [00:45:10] suffering in Asia like they are suffering. And it says, for [00:45:15] we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength.

We [00:45:20] despaired of life itself. Indeed, we [00:45:25] felt that we had received the sentence of death, but that was to make us [00:45:30] rely not on ourselves, but on God who [00:45:35] raises the dead

Curtis: Amen. That's good.

Chris: dude right [00:45:40] now, things these kids are going through, you know, [00:45:45] all, uh, all nine of them, you know, the things these kids are going through, [00:45:50] the things you and Crystal are trying to balance between losing your spouses and trying to [00:45:55] just keep these kids within the guardrails as they are in these [00:46:00] incredibly, you know, developmental years is just something [00:46:05] like, it's incredible.

And [00:46:10] before this episode, you and I were going back and forth. I. I was just thinking to [00:46:15] myself like, this is so heavy. There's so much here. How, how do we even [00:46:20] navigate this conversation? Who, who could possibly be qualified to speak about this? [00:46:25] You know, um, and give advice that has experienced what the kids have [00:46:30] experienced.

And, um, and so you and I, [00:46:35] uh, know, uh, a great friend [00:46:40] Megan Baline.

Curtis: Mm-hmm.

Chris: Um, and so prior to this man, [00:46:45] I, I brought her on, just to give you a word of encouragement from a place [00:46:50] of woman who lost her mom suddenly [00:46:55] at 14 years old. And then her dad turned around and committed [00:47:00] suicide right after that. And so she lost both of her parents in six months time.

[00:47:05] Her world turned completely upside down. So I talked to Megan and she just [00:47:10] had some really, some really, um, some really powerful things to say. And so I wanna play [00:47:15] that clip right now, um, of, of her just kind of speaking into [00:47:20] you.

Megan: First of all, I wanna preface with, I don't have the answers. Nobody does.

I [00:47:25] think you're obviously in. A really hard spot where you lost [00:47:30] someone who you loved dearly, and now you're caring for the children that you love dearly [00:47:35] and trying to fill this void of mom and also still be a [00:47:40] present father in this role.

And that's really hard and I've never [00:47:45] been on that side of it. So I'm gonna share with you just my perspective [00:47:50] and how. I saw God work through my life. [00:47:55] Um, I lost my parents when I was 14. My mom died of a brain [00:48:00] aneurysm in February. Six months later, my dad committed suicide. So it was a [00:48:05] whirlwind. Um, and now I'm 36 and I can look back on that and [00:48:10] see like, wow.

I, I mean, we could be here all [00:48:15] day. Uh, with me telling you how God has worked through this, but [00:48:20] as I was talking to Chris last night, and I was just thinking of your [00:48:25] position as now trying to fill the void of [00:48:30] somebody that was incredible and I didn't even know personally, and I, I know how incredible [00:48:35] she was.

Um, but I just wanna remind you that, [00:48:40] you know, from my perspective. Nobody ever [00:48:45] could fill the void of my mom. There was, it's impossible. Um, [00:48:50] but God put people in my life who could fill [00:48:55] little holes that were missing. So there would be somebody who would take [00:49:00] me homecoming dress shopping. There would be somebody who would give me advice on being a mother.[00:49:05]

There would be somebody who would. Teach me how to coordinate an [00:49:10] outfit or those things that moms do, or just somebody who I could go to when I was feeling [00:49:15] upset and I, I needed that motherly advice. I needed just a shoulder [00:49:20] to cry on or just a mom figure in that moment. [00:49:25] And even with all of those people combined.

Nobody could [00:49:30] fill the void of my mom. Only God could step in and fill those [00:49:35] holes and fill those moments of sadness when I just wanted my [00:49:40] mom. Um, and so I think in your shoes, I. It just being [00:49:45] observant of those people in all of the kids' lives, like, okay, who is their [00:49:50] coach that they really look up to?

Who is their friend's mom that they really jive with That [00:49:55] I could say, Hey, you know, could you step up in so-and-so's life and maybe, you know, take them out once a [00:50:00] month or whatever. Um, and also remembering that [00:50:05] these are. God's children. They were never Michael's children. They [00:50:10] were never their father's children.

They were never your children. They have [00:50:15] always been God's children. And God knitted them together knowing [00:50:20] that this was all going to happen and none of this took God by surprise. And [00:50:25] so he has created them on purpose and with purpose knowing that they were going to [00:50:30] walk through this. And I believe that just because they've suffered [00:50:35] this great loss, they're going to walk in abundance.

They're going to walk into a life of [00:50:40] abundance. I can look back on all of the loss that I suffered, and I [00:50:45] can say God has blessed me immensely. That was a [00:50:50] painful testimony to develop. It was a painful time, but [00:50:55] now I can look back and I still miss my parents. There are still days that. [00:51:00] Uh, Ben can tell like, okay, she's having a hard day, but it gets [00:51:05] easier because I have let God in.

I know that only God can fill that void [00:51:10] in my life. And while I've had amazing people step in and it's been [00:51:15] incredible, I know that I have to rely on the Lord for my source of joy and my [00:51:20] source of hope. Um, and so now in your shoes, practically, your [00:51:25] parenting team went from you and Michael. To you and a [00:51:30] coach, and you and a teacher, and you and a mom from a friend's mom and you [00:51:35] and so and so and so.

Now your parenting team is you and like 50 [00:51:40] other people, which is crazy to even think of, but I [00:51:45] wholeheartedly believe that God will put those people in your path. He'll [00:51:50] put the people in the children's path to step in, and I think it's [00:51:55] so important to remember that. You were created to be a father [00:52:00] and that is what God made you.

And so I think it's important that we [00:52:05] remember to walk in our roles that we were created for and not try [00:52:10] to fill all the voids of something else because I could see how you could so [00:52:15] easily get swept up and trying to do it all that then the kids miss out on [00:52:20] having a present dad. I mean, it's a lot.

Parenting is. A million [00:52:25] different roles in one. Right? And so I don't [00:52:30] want you to get so swept up in filling the void as their mom that [00:52:35] you, they then miss out on a present father. I think that God can fill those [00:52:40] voids and you can be an incredible dad like God created you to be, and they are [00:52:45] going to walk in abundance and have a healthy, amazing childhood, even [00:52:50] with suffering this incredible loss.

God will take care of them. [00:52:55] I've been watching from afar and obviously, you know, praying for you and praying for the [00:53:00] children and it's definitely a lot to go through [00:53:05] and it's. I know it's crazy to say, but it's also an honor that God has [00:53:10] trusted you with so much and he knows.

He [00:53:15] knows that you are going to walk through this and develop this incredible testimony and [00:53:20] continue to share this with people and yeah, I mean, he's just going to [00:53:25] work through this tremendously. He already has, obviously, and so I'll continue [00:53:30] praying for you. I know it's not like a one and done situation, like, okay, well now I'm good.

[00:53:35] It's just. An ongoing journey, for sure.

Chris: So, man, [00:53:40] hearing from Megan? I think the most important thing she said there, [00:53:45] and I really want you to hear this, man, the most important thing she said there is, these [00:53:50] are not your kids. These were not Michael's kids. These are not their dad's kids. These are not [00:53:55] Crystal's kids.

These are God's kids. And so that scripture, [00:54:00] you know, being burdened beyond your strength, you, you, [00:54:05] you, that you despair of life itself, you know, like it's so [00:54:10] hard. But just remembering that like God is [00:54:15] creating reliance on him. And I know you, you move, dude. You [00:54:20] just move and move and move and move and move.

And I just wanna encourage you, and I wanna encourage anybody listening like [00:54:25] from the mouth of someone like Megan who's qualified to talk about this. [00:54:30] It's not that you have to go run around with your head cut [00:54:35] off trying to make sure all these things are happening, because this didn't surprise God. He just wants [00:54:40] everybody to rely on him in this grief, in this, in this darkness, in [00:54:45] these hard times.

And, um, so yeah, man, I hope, I hope you can [00:54:50] receive that, um, and know that you're exhausting [00:54:55] yourself. Yes. But dude, like God's, God's got this [00:55:00] and, and you have everybody else as a result of that.

Curtis: [00:55:05] It's good.

Chris: Yeah. Yeah, man, I hope that, I [00:55:10] hope that helps you. Um,

on a practical level, what Megan [00:55:15] said, man, about being observant. [00:55:20] All of the people around you that can step in. 'cause it takes a village to raise kids as [00:55:25] it is. I think that also very well relates to like, God's got [00:55:30] this because he uses his people to accomplish his purposes. Right? [00:55:35] And so all the people you can think of all, all the people that you're [00:55:40] like, who, who can influence this kid and that kid and that kid and that kid and that kid.

It's [00:55:45] not all on your shoulders, man. Like I really, I really believe that. [00:55:50] Um, and hopefully again, somebody listening to this can understand. It's [00:55:55] not, it's not all on your shoulders. God wants to use his people. Um, [00:56:00] and so here's, here's where I wanna segue with that comment.[00:56:05]

I wanna talk about the foundation a little bit because [00:56:10] God uses his people to accomplish the purposes that he [00:56:15] has. I.

Curtis: Right.

Chris: uh, man, I'm just curious what's going through your head [00:56:20] after, after hearing her, her speak, speak life into you?

Curtis: Well, [00:56:25] the crazy thing is, I know Megan and I didn't know this, you know,

Chris: Wow.

Curtis: One of our OCU [00:56:30] connections, you know, you went to school with her, had her as a student. I mean, we just, we [00:56:35] know her, we know her husband. And, um, I don't know that I knew that. [00:56:40] And so watching the two of them [00:56:45] navigate life, because we're connected, we get to see, you [00:56:50] know, their family.

We've, we've seen some of their struggles along the way. We've seen God work in their life. [00:56:55] But to know that man. A child could go through [00:57:00] that in those formative years. Honestly, for me and for anybody else, it, it's gotta give you [00:57:05] hope.

Chris: Hmm.

Curtis: To, it's gotta give you hope that God [00:57:10] still knows what he's doing. And, um, [00:57:15] as hard as I'm working to try to figure out how to help [00:57:20] and develop and be a part of these kids' lives, I, I also know I can't do [00:57:25] it all. And so,

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: Lately that seems to be the theme [00:57:30] people have been sharing with me. Even Crystal. She's like, you don't have to do it all.

Chris: You know, [00:57:35] man.

Curtis: You don't have to do it all. God's given us a journey and he's gonna, [00:57:40] her, her favorite saying is, he is gonna light one step at a time. Just, [00:57:45] just keep taking one step at a time.

Chris: Yeah. Amen.

Curtis: a [00:57:50] power, that's a powerful message. Yeah.

Chris: Good.

Curtis: You appreciate somebody so much more. [00:57:55] When

Chris: Yeah.

Curtis: Little bit about their story, whew.

Chris: Yeah. And Megan has an amazing [00:58:00] testimony, um, of, uh, everything she's been through and she, and she's done amazing [00:58:05] things with her life since, um, from fostering to [00:58:10] adopting, uh, to, to bringing a family together. I mean, her story is [00:58:15] unreal. It's unreal. And to think that she went through all that stuff [00:58:20] and has come out on the other end.

She's told me before, she's like, Chris, I don't know that an [00:58:25] episode with me would be that exciting. She's like, I would literally just say it's God.

Curtis: [00:58:30] Yeah,

Chris: However she is, she, she is down to do an episode. So if [00:58:35] you guys want to hear Megan's story, comment below, let us know. And, uh, and we'll, [00:58:40] we'll get her on the schedule, so.

Curtis: good.

Chris: I want you to talk to me a little bit about [00:58:45] some of the things you guys have been doing in the foundation, um, and how God's been using his [00:58:50] people to accomplish these purposes.

Curtis: Hmm. Yeah. [00:58:55] So the more you and I dig into of grief and their [00:59:00] stories, we have found grief to [00:59:05] be financially devastating and, and we just don't talk about it. You [00:59:10] know, I think people just. I don't know. [00:59:15] I don't wanna use the word embarrassed, but I, I'm finding so many people [00:59:20] who don't wanna be a burden to others.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Curtis: And, and yet the scripture talks so [00:59:25] specifically about caring for the widows and the orphans over and over and over. He said, this is [00:59:30] religion that is pure, this is religion that is spotless. That, and then God, and then Christ goes [00:59:35] on to say, you know, I will accept you because you, you know, gave water to the [00:59:40] thirsty because you clothed the naked because you, you know, these kinds of scriptures over and [00:59:45] over and over. But yet with grief comes [00:59:50] incredible. Disaster emotionally, physically, spiritually. But we [00:59:55] never talk about the financial disaster that happens in grief. And as we have been [01:00:00] uncovering people's stories and listening to people who have lost their homes, people who have had [01:00:05] to quit their jobs and do a different job, people who lost their insurance because their spouse [01:00:10] carried their insurance.

And so people who, you know, didn't take the time to go [01:00:15] get a silly life insurance policy. You know? And, and how many people have we interviewed that have lost [01:00:20] spouses at young ages, thirties, forties, young 50 [01:00:25] and, and didn't have insurance policy? Like why? Like why didn't we talk about that? Like, [01:00:30] wait.

And that's a whole nother topic we can get into. But, and I, so I think there's this shame, [01:00:35] there's, there's this embarrassment, there's this, I don't want people to know about my personal life, but [01:00:40] yet when, when we dig deep into these stories, we're finding unbelievable tragedy. [01:00:45] And, um, I don't know, God just keeps. Revealing and [01:00:50] showing me tremendous needs. And, and, um, I love our OCU [01:00:55] connection. You know, your alma mater, the place I worked for so long, and, and I'll never forget [01:01:00] when, um, Ian passed away last year, you know, his wife, his [01:01:05] wife Kara met, put a, put it out on Facebook. She on social media, said, you know, the doctor says [01:01:10] he doesn't have long, we got a wedding that's supposed to be in the summer, and, and, and it's [01:01:15] not gonna happen.

Like he needs to get, our son needs to get married this weekend, six days away. [01:01:20] And, um, I believe, God, let me see that. I, I really do. I believe God. Let me see that [01:01:25] message. And I called her and I said, man, I said, consider it done. Get on the phone, get all your family [01:01:30] and friends together, and let's have a wedding.

And of course, Michael's business that we ran together was the wedding [01:01:35] venue. And so, we, we. Decorated and [01:01:40] found, found a caterer, got the food provided. Somebody provided a cake, somebody [01:01:45] provided the wedding dress,

Chris: Oh

Curtis: and we put a full blown all the [01:01:50] fixings, beautiful wedding together. In six days,

Chris: man.

Curtis: We brought, we brought Professor [01:01:55] Jamie up to the loft and laid him in a [01:02:00] bed.

That's how weak he was. We laid him in a bed to watch his son walk down the aisle and get

Chris: [01:02:05] Hmm.

Curtis: To his beautiful bride. Jimmy died three days later

Chris: [01:02:10] Wow.

Curtis: And, and [01:02:15] I was thinking, this is what my wife, she would've, she had such a huge heart. [01:02:20] She, um, she had have been all over this and, and all I could do is think of [01:02:25] her and think about how beautiful she would've made it and how special she would've made it, and how [01:02:30] she would've poured in and given everything she could to make this an amazing event. [01:02:35] And I thought. This is what, this is what I want to be her [01:02:40] legacy. I want to be able to help people in the darkest and the hardest times of their life. [01:02:45] So that's how we started the foundation. I went to her family. to the [01:02:50] kids and said, we wanna do something bigger. We want, we want mom's legacy to be even [01:02:55] bigger. Let's, let's do a foundation. And so we, you know, I did the hard work. We did a 5 0 1 [01:03:00] C3, we've got a board, the financial records, we got a investment [01:03:05] institution. We've done all the work. but that's just one story. We're [01:03:10] beginning to develop those, those kinds of stories where we're just coming alongside people and saying, [01:03:15] and, and honestly, we're just saying, God, show us.

Show

Chris: Hmm.

Curtis: Needs. And I'm [01:03:20] partnering with churches and pastors, you know, who's, who's the first person that gets a phone call when there's a major [01:03:25] tragedy in their life. It's the

Chris: Oh yeah. Always pastor.

Curtis: I'm trying to create a [01:03:30] network of, of, um, pastors and churches, and I'm trying to get in front of congregations [01:03:35] and telling the story of Michael, but then I'm getting a chance to talk about the foundation and, and our [01:03:40] goal is to, it's super simple to help families in grief, [01:03:45] to

Chris: Yeah,

Curtis: in grief.

And it, and it could be, it can look all kinds of different ways. We [01:03:50] recently gave a van away. It was a family of just tragedy after tragedy [01:03:55] after tragedy. And they totaled their vehicle. They were upside down in the payments. And we were like, what can we do? And [01:04:00] we just met a need. So that's

Chris: [01:04:05] yeah.

Curtis: Snippet what God's doing.

Chris: No dude, it's so powerful, man. [01:04:10] It really is to take, I mean, just, ugh. I know we don't get a chance to get on here [01:04:15] much. You know, there's a lot of guests and stuff, and I just, I just wanna reflect on this journey real [01:04:20] fast. I mean, you lose Michael in October of 2022 [01:04:25] and, and, and. Any non-believers who are listening potentially, just, just listen to this [01:04:30] timeline.

You lose Michael, in October, 2022. Um, [01:04:35] we start this podcast in May of [01:04:40] 2024. Right? And since [01:04:45] May, 2024, you have [01:04:50] found Crystal, your fiance, through this podcast and [01:04:55] you've started a foundation to be able to [01:05:00] have the wedding for Jamie Grimm's son. [01:05:05] You've been able to give a van away and the foundation has even [01:05:10] supported, um, other people in the community in personal [01:05:15] stories and personal needs, just like.

God [01:05:20] knows what he's doing, he knows what he's doing. And, um, [01:05:25] man, I just know you've put so much effort into, into the foundation, so I wanted to bring it up. I [01:05:30] wanted people to know, you know, kind of some of the things that were happening because, um, because [01:05:35] dude, you want to fill needs, you want to be a vessel and you want to be [01:05:40] used, um, to help families stuck in grief.

And, uh, [01:05:45] and that's what the foundation foundation's about. And so, yeah, I mean, we'll leave information [01:05:50] about it down below in the description for people to check it out and understand, um, you know, [01:05:55] ways that they can give. Uh, because there's so many stories like [01:06:00] yours out there that aren't being told publicly on podcasts, you know, [01:06:05] and, um, and this foundation gives them a voice and allows, [01:06:10] uh, allows them to be served.

So it's great work that you're doing, man. It really [01:06:15] is.

Curtis: It's all God.

Chris: Yeah. Amen. Do

Curtis: Yep.

Chris: [01:06:20] amen.

All right, Curtis, dude, thank you for [01:06:25] sharing life with us. Like I mentioned, not everybody has this [01:06:30] public platform to share what they're going through, through in grief, and you can only put so much in a post and only so much in an email. [01:06:35] And so to be able to, to, um, to pull this stuff apart and understand what you guys are going [01:06:40] through and how you're navigating it, uh, I know, I know it was helpful for the audience.

[01:06:45] And so, uh, so yeah, man, I mean, as we conclude this episode, as always, [01:06:50] I want you, I want you to just lift, lift up the listener in a word of prayer, um, [01:06:55] and encouraging them. Moving forward and we will say, say [01:07:00] goodbye.

Curtis: we can do that.

Chris: Alright man.

Curtis: Lord, we come before [01:07:05] you, today, and, um, Lord, all glory be to you and, [01:07:10] um, thank you for strength. Thank you for your mercy, It's Easter. I. [01:07:15] And we're so grateful for your son. We're so grateful for what you did on the cross. We're so [01:07:20] thank you for, we're so thankful for salvation. And Lord, [01:07:25] I, I wanna come before you, um, today and just say, you for these [01:07:30] kids. you for their lives. Thank you for the potential that [01:07:35] it literally is oozing out of all of them from young to old. [01:07:40] Thank you for the gifts that you've given. Each and every one of them, thank you for their commitment to you. [01:07:45] you for the testimonies that have already been shared. And Lord, for the families out there that have, [01:07:50] that have lost a, a husband or a wife and have kids and you're navigating, or maybe you're [01:07:55] navigating a remarriage and you're like, what do I do? We've got kids. There's gonna be a [01:08:00] blended family.

God, we need your help. I pray for that family right now knowing [01:08:05] that you can come in and blend it all together [01:08:10] and make it. good because it honors [01:08:15] you. Lord, give somebody today a beauty for Ashe's story. I pray that [01:08:20] today, and Lord help us as we continue to minister and help others [01:08:25] people to you that you will guide our every step for we ask these things in your name. [01:08:30] Amen.

Chris: Amen.

[01:08:35] [01:08:40] [01:08:45] [01:08:50] [01:08:55] [01:09:00]

‍